(Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I are in our mid-30s and have been dating for a year. The first six months were heady and passionate, and now we're entering long-term relationship territory. We both can really see ourselves with the other person in our futures and love each other very much. We've just been struggling with communication over text. He wants more, and I want less! We both travel frequently for our jobs, and when we're apart, he wants to be in daily contact: He wants to hear what I'm up to, he wants pictures, he wants to feel emotionally connected to me, even if just over text. More than 24-48 hours without speaking on a work trip starts to feel like "too long," but for me that feels perfectly fine. I'd really prefer to reconnect in person when we see each other again; it feels more organic to me that way. But this makes him feel ignored and disconnected from me, and it's been the cause of numerous conflicts between us that usually end with him sharing that he feels I hold him at a distance in our relationship. When I try communicating "his way," I end up feeling a bit exhausted by check-ins designed to appease him, and it distracts me from being fully present in where I am and what I'm doing. I worry we have unresolvable differences in our needs for space, but hope we can work it out. The answer is of course somewhere in the middle, but what do you think: Are his expectations unrealistic, or should I be more gracious toward his communication needs? Any creative ideas for ways to work this out? — Less Texting |
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