(Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: Sometimes when my husband tickles our 3-year-old son, our son will laugh, but will also say, "Stop!" I told my husband when our child says to stop, he should stop, and that we need to honor our child's bodily autonomy. My husband got all bent out of shape and said to our child that he guesses they can no longer play that game. I told him they could as long as our son was okay with it, and that our son sets the rules regarding his body and when a game can start and stop. My spouse got upset and stormed off. My father was physically abusive and still is emotionally abusive, and used to tickle my siblings and me so hard that the laughter turned into an inability to make sounds — tickle torture. I hated it and my boundaries were never respected. I also fear having confusion about bodily autonomy in the home could lead to confusion regarding unwanted touches from others or eventually not respecting someone else's boundaries. My husband tends to be more receptive when someone else talks to him. Unfortunately, if a request, suggestion, or statement comes out of my mouth and is directed toward my spouse, no matter how it's relayed, his insecurities are triggered and I'm the unreasonable one. Defensiveness is exhausting, and my spouse's extends far beyond this issue. He is now acting as if we shouldn't brush our son's teeth because he doesn't enjoy that, either. Not. The. Point. Advice? — Not a Laughing Matter |
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