 (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Dear Carolyn: I'm getting married next month to a wonderful partner. He is warm, loving, accepting, patient and flexible. I feel very lucky to have found him. My issue is that my past relationships have been with men who were sometimes these things and sometimes demonstrated very unhealthy behaviors: extreme mood instability, uncontrolled verbal anger, general selfishness. These relationships were intense on both the high and low sides. They ended abruptly and in ways that were very painful for me (cheating, sudden change of heart/abandonment). I know my fiance is committed and emotionally healthy, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes I keep this to myself, and sometimes it leaks into planning. For example, I may take on a lucrative side gig that would let us pay off our new home in less than 10 years. My brain leaps to: "What if we get a divorce and I put so much more money into our home. How can I protect myself?" There are rational things we are doing, such as getting a prenup, which he has agreed to as a means to help me feel secure. (I think he'd prefer we skipped it.) But I know my stuck-ness isn't all rational. How can I get my brain to focus more on the positives (we could have our house paid off!) vs. the negatives (what if I somehow get screwed over or he disappears tomorrow)? — Trying to Be Free | 
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