 (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Dear Carolyn: Please help. I am a cancer survivor and am very lucky to look healthy, but … I am now a very high-maintenance person. The surgery saved my life but left me with a permanent medical issue that needs constant attention. When I go anywhere, and I do mean anywhere, I have to plan out several bathroom stops. I have to drink copious amounts of water during the day and whenever I eat. There are restaurants — some of my favorites — where I can't eat anymore. I have to be careful not to get overheated or overtired. I have limited amounts of energy and sometimes have to cancel in the middle of an outing. My spouse is a saint and none of this bothers them, but it bothers me. Friends just don't get it, and I don't want to "educate" them about the whys of my condition; it's private. In a spirit of inclusion, they pressure me to go hiking, cycling, attend concerts, go to the country fair, etc. It's physically impossible for me to do these things, but the pressure is relentless. "Thank you for thinking of me, but I can't manage that," is never an accepted answer. I've offered limited explanations, but friends come back with, "You look so healthy. Let's try it." I love these people, and offer to have them over, or to go for a small walk that I can manage, etc. It's never enough. It's starting to make me feel like I'm a malingerer. Is there any solution here short of my having to completely explain my condition? — Cancer-Free but Limited |
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