(Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Dear Carolyn: My sister just got married — three months after my wedding. We love the groom and were very excited for them. The trouble started right after my dad gave his toast. He praised his new son-in-law for being successful, a wonderful partner to my sister, and said he was adding a son to our family. It was a beautiful speech, but I hadn't realized my dad failed to heap similar praise on my husband during our wedding. My husband noticed right away and was deeply hurt. There were cultural differences that led to my dad's editing choices. My sister is her husband's biggest advocate and made it clear he and his family need special treatment and praise. In contrast, my husband is an introvert who waves away compliments. His family is frankly a bit protective. I later found out my dad removed a line in his speech calling my husband his "new son" to avoid inflaming the fragile emotions of my in-laws. The speech was beautiful, but largely focused on his relationship with me. After the wedding, my husband told me it was clear that my dad dramatically favored my brother-in-law and that this would put a rift between him and my dad. He said that he'd be civil and that my dad would always be welcome but that his days of having a beer or bonding with my dad were over. The wound is clearly fresh, but I want to somehow make it better. I know my dad was excited to have my husband as a son-in-law. They were on track for a good relationship, and my dad is unaware it derailed. Can I mediate two men's fragile emotions, or should I just accept and let it be? — Sad Wife & Daughter |
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