 (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Dear Carolyn: My husband of 20 years announced to me last year that he would start dating other women because I was "neglecting" our marriage. (I take care of kids and have part-time jobs — I'm busy!) I didn't take him seriously and saw it as yet another attempt of his to get me to reestablish intimacy with him at a level I find unreasonable. He had a problem with sleeping in separate rooms, but it's an arrangement that was better for my mental well-being. We were raising several school-aged children together in relative harmony, although I'm in charge of finances and itineraries because I don't trust him with money or planning; he is the primary earner. He helps the kids with after-school activities and bedtime routine when I'm at work. Well, he met someone. Apparently a single mom who is fine with dating a married man with children. I sent her a message telling her to back off and that what she was doing was reprehensible, but I was ignored. I kicked him out and said I wanted a divorce. Now he expects to have the kids stay over at his current home — the mistress's house! It's been several months and I've accepted that he's gone, but I don't think he should get to swoop in wanting shared placement when I've been the primary parent all these years, giving up my career to take care of kids. And to have them be around his mistress is simply inappropriate. He refuses to agree to my proposed placement plan that is consistent and reasonable. I'm being forced to fight in court. I've put the older children in therapy and I'm seeing a therapist myself. Obviously lawyers are involved. But I'm so angry he's turned into such a walking midlife crisis who left his family to shack up with a morally questionable woman for what I'm sure is sex. He honestly disgusts me, and I'm glad to be free of him. But his constant demands to uproot the kids out of the home they know and love are creating stress for everyone, including the kids. How can I make him see there are natural consequences to his actions? How do I shield the kids from his dubious choices? — Refusing to Be a Victim | 
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