Carolyn Hax: When the tension is obvious, should parents tell kids why they’re fighting?

Things are tense right now with your wife, and the kids know it. Should you tell them the source? ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

Sign up for this newsletter Read online Advice to help you tackle life's problems.     (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) When the tension is obvious, should parents tell kids why they're fighting? Dear Carolyn: My wife and I are having trouble communicating without the temperature (and volume) rising. The issues are complicated (aren't they always?), so I won't elaborate on them here. My kids, 15 and 18, are aware of the tension, which is really freaking out our sensitive younger one, and I was thinking he and his brother are old enough to hear what's underlying the tension rather than have us simply try to keep the temperature and volume down. I don't expect it would make them feel better, but at least they'll know the source of the obvious tension. Would you agree? Or do you think keeping them unencumbered by the details would be better for them? — Tense Read Carolyn's Response     ADVERTISEMENT   Want more? Carolyn's been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. Mom can share baby pics, but only after editing e-mail list Read more »   Her daughter's relationship is hardly a storybook romance Read more »   Are friends' exes off-limits? Read more »     Ask for advice Carolyn chats with readers every Friday afternoon. Carolyn Hax Pan-Hootenanny 2021 (Aug. 20 | 12 p.m. ET) Perspective ●  Read more »     We think you'll like this newsletter Check out A Better Week for a 7-day email course that will help you conquer your calendar, get more done and find time for the things you care about. Sign up »

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