Carolyn Hax: A job, a toddler, no child care and so much tone-deaf advice

A working parent with no child care grows increasingly frustrated as "usually wise confidants" offer unrealistic advice. ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

Sign up for this newsletter Read online Advice to help you tackle life's problems.     (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) A job, a toddler, no child care and so much tone-deaf advice Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I have a full-time job, toddler, no child care. I am hardly the first to point out how difficult things are right now. Other than my husband, I vent to very few people about the difficulties, simply because there is so little time to TALK to anyone. But on the rare occasion that I do, I find it really hard not to get violently angry at the suggestions these usually wise confidants make. My mom's suggestion: "Just save all your work for after the toddler goes to sleep." Which assumes I have absolutely no need for sleep myself and can somehow survive 20-hour days. My friend's suggestion: "Everyone knows parents are suffering. Just don't apologize for needing more time to do things at work." Which is unrealistic considering I still have personal standards, career goals, and a boss who is also on the hook if my work isn't done or is done poorly. I know these people mean well. But I just feel that every suggestion being circulated to suffering working parents is unrealistic and sort of adds onto the suffering. Am I being too harsh? — How to Get By Read Carolyn's Response     Read your responses to this week's reader question We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. ADVERTISEMENT   I think my daughter-in-law may be a hoarder. What should I do? Perspective ●  By Carolyn Hax ●  Read more »     Classic Hootenanny of Holiday Horrors stories We're counting down the days until the 2021 Hoot with some of our favorite stories from over the years.  Turkey, take two (2015) "My in-laws are great do-it-yourselfers, and come from an extended family line of them. One Thanksgiving, my father-in-law took advantage of his dad's presence at the house, and the two of them were up in the attic working on putting in and framing a bonus room. My mother-in-law was putting the finishing touches on the turkey and side dishes on the island in the kitchen, when all of a sudden, there was a big commotion and out of the ceiling directly over the perfect Thanksgiving dinner appeared a shoe attached to my father-in-law, along with pink insulation bits, drywall dust, and debris. Everything was coated in white dust, which got worse when the owner of the shoe tried to free himself from being stuck in the ceiling/attic floor. My mother-in-law, was stunned for a minute, and then the screaming started. It was made worse when my father-in-law's dad chimed in from the attic with, 'What's the big deal? Just tell her to make another one,' just loud enough for everyone to hear." The 2021 Holiday Hootenanny is coming Dec. 10. Submit your stories here. Perspective ●  By Carolyn Hax ●  Read more »     Want more? Carolyn's been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. As wedding approaches, emotions take over Read more »   A mom worries about lack of playdates and activities Read more »   Wanting to be Dr. Ruth for her little brother, but skeeved out Read more »     We think you'll like this newsletter Check out Coronavirus Updates for news to help you stay safe and informed during the pandemic. Access to all stories in the newsletter is free. Sign up »

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