Carolyn Hax: Do motives matter in questioning friend’s uptight spouse?

A letter writer wonders if disliking a friend's husband makes it impossible to be supportive of their happiness. ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

Sign up for this newsletter Read online Advice to help you tackle life's problems.     (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) Do motives matter in questioning friend's uptight spouse? Adapted from two online discussions, here and here. Dear Carolyn: When my best friend married, my reaction to her choice of spouse was, "Huh?" [picture my head cocked]. My own spouse was also puzzled: He's not a bad guy; but neither of us ever clicked with him. Over the years, I've found myself privately wishing they'd get divorced. I have witnessed him flipping out at my friend over something that wasn't my friend's fault; and she's even said, "God, he's controlling." He is what I would call tightly wound. My question is, how do I know if I truly wish for my friend's happiness regardless of what I think of her choices; or whether I just have a desire to be "right?" Do you have a formula? — Wishing Read Carolyn's Response     ADVERTISEMENT   Want more? Carolyn's been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. Husband won't set boundaries with abusive sister. Can his wife? Read more »   How to offer to be a surrogate for your brother-in-law and his wife Read more »   For a rude houseguest, time to set limits on hospitality Read more »     News whiz? Play our daily news quiz. Test your knowledge of current events with our new quotable game, On the Record. Play game   We think you'll like this newsletter Check out The Tech Friend for straight talk and advice to make technology better serve you and our world every Tuesday and Friday. Sign up »

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